Off with Their Heads!!

See, I don’t know why in the world I’d write about this in here, but I guess I need to vent… so here I am stuck in the middle of a one-way street. So much has happened in the last two years that it feels like five years have passed… most of it were good things but some, I swear to you… are driving me insane! It’s been hard these days, to have the strength I need to carry on.

And then I look around and see that many like me, are in the same situation, where the only way out is to turn your back to all you’ve worked for so far, and who’s to say we have to give up our dreams because of randomness people do?

All this rambling on goes to show, especially myself, how much I want this… because if it was any other piece of paper in the world, I’d say: No, but thanks!

Anyway, in this no exit street, I just need to choose which road I want to travel for the time I have left in this, so maybe in a month or so, I’ll come back with an update of my mind, this being I still have one…

when I began to write this blog, I was in the very beginning of a journey…now it’s coming to an end soon and although it’s been a heck of a ride, I can’t wait to slow down and stop this train… to finally step in land.

Oh Canada!

Don't let it get you down!

It’s a strange place, or a new place to discover. It all depends on the point of view and the eyes staring at it. Caught up in the middle of a glass half full, you see how people are different and how we are all, without exceptions, looking for different things in life.

Even if the culture is the same, the heart ain’t. Sitting in the funkiest coffee shop I’ve ever been I begin to realize how the different attracts me. I never did and never will follow the flow, I still have my beliefs, and my soul is still intact, my heart guarded and giving up is not a word in my vocabulary.

More than half way there, change is a daily basis, I will keep knocking, searching, beating, sweating, crying, till I hold it in my hands…

Prayer. Definitely my army. Here’s the hope that the decisions made are the best ones and the ones affected don’t get too hurt. As for me, I know that the waves won’t flood my boat, only shake it a bit. I am still here, still alive and as far as anything goes in the Maker’s hands. I had no idea I had that much FAITH...

Happy End of August!

28 weeks to go! Hip! Hip!

Ain't everybody just trying to find a way home?

This song has been growing on me...

Bon Jovi - Happy Now

What would you say to me?
If I told you I had a dream
If I told you everything
Would you tell me to go back to sleep
Take a look in these tired eyes
They're coming back to life
I know I can change
Got hope in my veins
I'm telling you I ain't going back to the pain

Can I be happy now?
Can I let my breath out?
Let me believe
I'm building a dream
Don't try to drag me down
I just want to scream out loud
Can I be happy now?
Been down on my knees
I learned how to bleed
I'm turning my world around

Can I be happy now?
Can I break free somehow?
I just want to live again
Love again
Pick my pride up off of the ground
I'm ready to pick a fight
Crawl out of the dark to shine a light
I ain't throwing stones
Got sins of my own
Ain't everybody just trying to find a way home?

Can I be happy now?
Can I let my breath out?
Let me believe
I'm building a dream
Don't try to drag me down
I just want to scream out loud
Can I be happy now?
Been down on my knees
I learned how to bleed
I'm turning my world around

You're born then you die
It’s all gone in a minute
I ain't looking back
Cause I don't want to miss it
You better live now
Cause no one's going to get out alive, alive

Can I be happy now?
Can I let my breath out?
Let me believe
I'm building a dream
Don't try to drag me down
I just want to scream out loud
Can I be happy now?
Been down on my knees
I learned how to bleed
I'm turning my world around
Can I be happy now?
Ohhhh
I'm turning my world around
Can I be happy now?

It feels like HOME?

You never know what will trigger it, that’s the truth. Not even knowing it’s there asleep ready to burst anytime, come to surface and bring you tears. What? Well today the homey feeling brought up lots of things on me. Being around love, even if just for a while made me want to expel it, understandable when you don’t want to face it.

Don’t know what to say or if I am making any sense, but all this heat around me and the presence of some people I care about made me sad. How weird is that? I really can’t grasp what is that happened. But I am pretty sure I know where it’s all coming from.
Being that I been having a quite overwhelming week with expectations being raised by no one other than myself, and trying hard to hang on… all of the sudden being in a comfortable and home place made me miss it so much I wanted to leave.

This past couples months have been nothing short than amazing! Lots of things I only really dreamed about came to reality and I am still trying to touch the ground, with that, I know pretty soon the real deal will come knocking on my door, and although I know it will be alright, part of me want it to be summer forever, but truth is…I do miss the rain. Reason why I runaway from where I feel good, without having reasons.

Yeah, break the puzzle on that if you must.

Happy Canada Day!

To the Nation I chose to live. Happy 143th Birthday! Thankful with all my heart.

Thoughts Overload

In a world that bumps you here, pushes you there, trips you and embraces you at the same time, it is very hard to keep it up with all the sparkles and lights. We try to hold on and enjoy the ride as much as we can but sometimes it all comes together to overwhelm even the most zen minds.

Everything comes through hard work, at least for most of us mortals, and we have to bust our asses to get places, achieve goals and dreams. It won’t come knocking at your door, so get up and do it. Push, push, push…
Well. I am tired. I want to slow down, look at the ocean, feel the air, blow some bubbles, I usually can take it all at my own pace but some days are just harder than others eh? I don’t remember the last Sunday that I was lazy like this one, just laying around thinking about nothing, taking naps through the day, baking a cake, watching TV, it feels good just to be still for a minute.

This past week brought a lot of things to digest at once, and I got lost in all of it, couple meltdowns later I believe I might be back on track. There’s lots going on and most of it I have no control over so I’ll just wake up, breathe and go, the rest will take care of itself. I can only do my best.

Think. Think. Think. (Repeat).
I rather Be Still. Be. Be. (Repeat).

Livin' on a Prayer!

One thing that anyone who knows me a bit would tell you about you is that I am a Bon Jovi fan. Not just a regular fan, but a FAN with capital letters. I don’t remember exactly when it began although I remember it was watching a London show on TV about fifteen years ago. Bon Jovi was the reason why I know about 70% of my English vocabulary and why I met wonderful people around the world.

Can’t really tell you only one reason why I love this band, but for me, they are the best band out there and their show is the single best concert someone could ever be with almost three hours of good music and entertainment and the best lead singer on the business! They are a big part of my life and enough of explaining because only a fan understands…

Couple days and hours of sleep ago (having the worst jetlag in history) I was in London for a holiday, as Bon Jovi concerts can be an addiction, the more you go the more you want to, I had to see them live as well as enjoy one of the best cities in the world. Long story short, I got a picture with THE man himself! I don’t usually post private stories and pictures in here, but this one deserves a big frame around it.

Ain’t telling you how and where but if there was ever a meant to be picture, this IS the one! Wish I had some time to chat with him and that my voice would even come out for the matter… I know many people will read this and go “Sheesh what a freak” but I do not care one bit, this man is awesome and his lyrics got me through and still do, so watch me do a happy dance for my smile Jon Bon Jovi picture! Hey Hey!

June 9th, 2010. London, England.

House of Cards

It’s raining, it’s pouring… as for the looks of it, we are in for a wet first month of Summer. I do, however, hope I am deeply wrong. Got a call from a dear friend today that is tangled up on some things in her life that she caused by accident. She does not deserve anything she’s been going through, but when did life start to be fair?

It just got me thinking, together with last week incident in my life, how fragile we are all relating to each other, how much trust is a fine thread hanging by countless good deeds and ready to burst to any stingy screw up. How quickly we all forget about the way people treated us, made us feel, went that extra mile, held our hands, were there to hug us, and we just turn our backs to them, just like that, like nothing had ever happened or taken place between them.

Sad, better yet, pathetic. How we let those things interfere in our relationships, I myself, am sure to have done that couple times, and it hurts me to think about it. I try to be fair with people and I don’t even know how many second, third and countless chances I gave and been given.

I hate to think people are like seasons in our lives, they come and go, year after year, bringing snow, sun, wind, rain with them and taking it all away leaving us with a chill. I am thankful some are forever, like a big shade tree you always know where they are and how they’ll always embrace you with a nice breeze when you need it. I have my share of shady trees and for that I am glad. But I sure do, once in a while, think about all the other seasons in my life and the way they faded away...

Truth is, we need the rain to learn how to appreciate the sun.
Hence my love for Vancouver!

It ain't Karma, It ain't Luck!

Heck yeah it’s been a while. Life’s been busy, with little people and long days, when all I want to do is to get home, kick my jeans and dive into bed. So that’s what I’ve been pretty much up to. Of course, once in a while, when everything is way too smooth… you can tell by the calm sea and reckless birds that the storm is coming.
And I tell ya, you never know where it’s going to hit you first. Mine usually hits me from behind, when I least expect it to, taking it all with the waves and leaving me with a mess to clean up, that I, myself, created in the first place.

It comes back to bite you in the ass, right or wrong, it’s a cycle. I should be used to this by now, but every time it hits me it’s a whole different wind that brings back memories and past to the surface. Maybe I should just not trust, period? I do, confess, I have massive trust issues, almost everyone, except my family, that I trusted with something in my life, threw it to my face at some point, and worst, hurting people that have nothing to do with the whole story whatsoever. Let’s hurt each other with damn useless subjects, just for the sake of it.
I am not taking any action this time, I used to, get all worked out, send a stormy e-mail back… creating more mess, hurt, and effin’gossip (the one I despite the most) just let it be, take the time, and close that door shut one more time.

The worst part of it, I tell you, is that I am still naïve enough to care, to be upset over something that has no turning back, and that is because I cannot, simply, dispose people, I can’t just pretend we didn’t have a story and that at a place in time we were friends. Maybe my trusting issue is to trust too much. In any case, from now on and whatever other time that something will, with no doubt, boil up again, I won't take it by heart anymore. I have learned how to outgrow it and not care for careless. I believe that if it's coming back it's because there's still the thought of me that the other side can't let go. So be it. Too bad.

Walk on.

Whose hand is it anyway?

So, after a whole day lying on the bed, sick and feeling yucky, here I am back again. It’s good to know I have real friends, that will be there for me regardless, some more than others, but still, they’ll be here for me when I need them to. When you live away from so called “home”, you have to learn to do things yourself and be more independent and tough it up. We all do, eventually, learn how to do that, but it’s still comforting to have good friends to help you through.

Now, I am not sure where my life stands at the moment, I am literally living day by day and trying to be positive about the days to come, my plans seem to unravel by themselves, with only the help of my thoughts and whoever hands they’re in. In my case, God. But eh, that’s just me!

Things once looked so complicated and with no way out, all of the sudden become either irrelevant or an opportunity way to go. I, of course, am half way there to my first plan in life, I am already living it, and taking all that I can with me, trying, knocking, kicking, until there’s a way… I feel this year is a good one, and as much nonsense all this babbling means to you on the other side, for me it is all so clear.

Life’s a big and beautiful scout’s knot! You gotta try to find the best way and go through the hoops without letting it tangle you, even if sometimes you stumble, there will always, and no doubt about it, a thread for you to hang on to, either it’s a friend, a song, a city, a goal, just hang on tight, as F. once said, it is indeed a bumpy ride!

If you think I blab, oh friend, try this one!

http://jhnmyr.tumblr.com/

Bless You!

So, yesterday was Earth Day, and what have you been doing? Vancouver was elected the greenest city in North America, not speaking about the amount of nature, but the effort of people doing their part to be “green”! Yes, it is indeed a huge planet and we cannot change the world all at once, but if every one of us do a little then a lot can be done!

From turning off the TV when you’re out of the room to taking a walk instead of the car, you are already doing something to save the planet for the next generations to come, I confess sometimes commodity keeps me from doing all I can, but I do, indeed, try to do a bit everyday to conserve all this beauty that I love so much!

We did have a bit of a reminder, couple weeks ago, when a “sneeze from God” as the newspapers here were referring to got all the European flights grounded and the economy shaken, events like that come to show us how fragile and small we are before this massive planet we live in.

The perfect day for me is to walk on the green grass barefoot staring at the oceans and mountains, to lay down and breath the fresh clean air, and I don’t ever want to take this all for granted, and I do want my children, grandchildren and on… to have the same green days I have right now… so with that in mind… Happy Earth Day! It’s everyone’s home.

Greenest City!
http://vancouver.ca/greenestcity/cityservices.htm

Show us your Backyard!

Getting too much fresh spring air can set your brain off to wonderland, and although I did not meet Hatter, much to my disappointment, I did find inspiration.

It doesn’t matter what inspires you, as long as you do something about it… so my partner in crime Marina and I decided to start a project. Because we are not naïve enough to think we can indeed change the whole world, we decided we’d change our world, and whoever’s world this all rubs in to.

http://startinyourbackyard.blogspot.com/

“Start in your Backyard” has its motive to change the world indeed, starting from wherever you are on the planet, no matter what country, city, if you are with friends or alone, it just take a bit of will to take the first step.

Our project has its action and purpose, we will go around Vancouver’s beaches, parks, trails, mountains, cleaning up any garbage someone could have left behind and we will also and most importantly spread the message of love for nature, for your city, for your backyard…

We do truly hope that the people we meet along the way can be touched in any way by our message, even if it brings them only a smile it was worth the cause!

There's this side of me...

Laying on the greenest grass at Kits beach this evening, with the sun shining down on me and letting all the noise around me fade I couldn’t help but breathe in and out the life inside and around me. It’s so good to be alive!

See, couple months ago, most precisely when I came back to Canada after visiting my family back home I entered a weird mode of transition in my life, a thing that have been inside of me since always but that would only sometimes come to surface, started to boil and brainstorm my mind when the airplane left the Sao Paulo ground.
Don’t ask me what trigged it, I wouldn’t be able to tell you and I stopped trying to find out. It doesn’t matter what thread it hangs on go to, but how I would roll it back in. The mortality fact in life caught up with me, and I have no flipping clue why. Maybe it was the fact that I live far away from my family, it is what it is I guess. It caught up with my mind, not with me, per say, I am very much alive thank you.

This fear of not being able to control time and hang on forever to people around me give me a sensation in my belly like someone is pressing really hard on it and I can’t get off…my throat closes up and I cannot take any deep breathes anymore. Panic mode on.
But then, you open your eyes, look around you…breathe…and realize it has always been like that in all the history of humanity, that life is a circle and it will always be, you only have one life (that’s what I believe) and you have to try and live it as much as you can. Now I also believe that there’s more to it after this Earthly life. But that’s nor here or there…and I won’t get all after-life in here today, but that my friends, is the power that got me over all this nonsense I was feeling.

I, then, stopped trying to understand wonders and powers that are greater than me. And just had to learn to trust, again, in the One that I have as my guidance and protector. I don’t know if you do, or do not believe in a greater power, but we do indeed need to live our lives to the fullest, every single day, spending our time with people that really matter.

And anyway, I wasn’t even going to write any of that, but the laying down on the grass today made my writing cells wake up. I would like to add here, that there is a side of me, a big-pounding-heart-fan side of me, that few know…and because it is only a part of me and not my whole self I decided to share on a blog, the journey of being a fan. And I come here, to share with you my readers from around the globe, a bit of my sidekick and most well paid therapy in the world…

http://mysweetjovilife.blogspot.com/

The more you live...

The more you want to. Spending my mornings talking and seeing the world through the tired and beautiful blue eyes of a ninety-seven years old has made my days. It seems like every sentence spoken is out of a book and the wisdom is hidden between the lines. “So is everything that is worth” was the first thing she said to me while talking about how life can be hard and funny that way. It’s something completely different than anything I have ever experienced. I’ve never been around such a sweet, alive and smart old lady in my life, I think I am in love with her and all she has to tell me.

Life is funny that way, as she says all the time, you end up going through things you never thought you would have to, you wait and worry about things that then will resolve themselves, you fight and cry but then you lay your head and see everything was worth the climb. You will wake up to days that all you want to do is close your eyes but still you know you love to live. The use of the word “funny” as oppose to “bad, weird, unfortunate, hard” awe me a bit, I believe that looking back on her life now, the good times stuck more than the bad ones and she has learned how to deal with them. I hope I do as well. I believe I am doing a pretty good job so far, except some self-hysterical-inside-my-mind episodes of WHAT AM I DOING IN MY LIFE, yeah so far so good.

The hardest part of having a long life like she did is to see people around you go; it really pretty much depends on what you believe in life and whether you think you will then see them all again, but still it is so damn hard. Once someone asked me what my biggest fear was, and after giving it a thought too many I came to the conclusion that I have no fears, I only dread the day I will have to face people around me going. And just the thought of it makes my stomach hurl. I guess I rather go than let them go, but eh it is not up to me and I will just trust completely.

I don’t know why exactly I am writing those words today, it’s been a very cold and dump April so far, life has been taking good turns, so good I am afraid to look at it and scare it away. It seems that Easter has brought new life indeed, including to my life. Things are back on track and I am following it, except today at 7am in the morning when I let myself, once again, get a bit crazy, but as Helen my new old friend says… “Life is too short, when you wake up one day you are ninety-seven so live it”. Couldn’t have followed her advice any better today. Not worried about it!

Oh, and here are some pictures of the Vancouver Olympic Village as promised ;)

John Mayer, Vancouver April 1st 2010

Why Georgia

I am driving up 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom

Four more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
wood in places to make it feel like home
but all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

Either way, I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on me
but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
still "Everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask myself

If your're living it right
Are you living it right?
Are you living it right?
Why, tell me why
Why, why Georgia why?

Agito !

Meet the three agitos, the symbol of the Paralympics.
Agito is Latin for "I move" or "Spirit in Motion"

As we say goodbye to the biggest Paralympic Games in history, we are left with smiles, cheer, tears and the power of the human being of overcoming anything and everything life throws our way.

The will to turn something tragical into something magical and to set an example to the world, that you can do everything you set your mind to and that impossible is just a word.

The Olympic games itself already showed us how far we can actually go when there’s an inner will, but for me, personally, there was something even more special about the Paralympics. Each and every athlete had a life story, some were born with disabilities, others faced our worst nightmares situations and they all rose above it.

They all have an extra inch of strengh to go all the miles they need, to climb every mountain and break any cliche – prejudice – thinking that is around. I got the chance to meet athletes from all over the world volunteering at the Vancouver Olympic Village and this has enlarged my mind in many ways.

I am proud to have been part of this dream and to have cheered for everyone, with no discrimination. I believe during this two weeks of games the whole population opened their eyes to the inclusive, to the different, to the acceptance of it all, it was amazing to be there for the cheering and the crowded stadiums and to be one with everyone, cheering for one nation without judging the disabilities but instead being amazed of what them can do with it.

Congratulations to all the Paralympic Athletes to have the courage of raising above all the ashes and shine on our lives, you all inspired me to more.

Un Année!!

thankful.

to be back where I belong.

thank You for every day.

thank You for every breath,

every rain drop,

ray of sunshine,

and for the many years to come

ahead of me.

Go Blue Team!

If you watched the Winter Olympics in Vancouver this February or were in town for the fun, you’ve probably come across the blue team workforce! With more than 2.500 volunteers all across the city and mountains, they were all over, rain or shine, to do their best to help the Olympics be a success. Some of them were Vancouverites, some from across Canada and some from all over the world that came to the city to give a helping hand and be part of this experience of a lifetime!

Personally, I love to volunteer! To help out, meet new people, have fun, do and learn different things, you get so much out of it you don’t even realize. I find that, when you love the city you’re living in, that’s when you want to do more and be part of whatever it is that is happening…that’s why I, myself am from the blue jacket team!

To be a volunteer for the teams coming to Vancouver from all over the world, inside the Olympic Village, showing them the city and a bit of how life is up here is priceless! I wish that would be forever my day job, especially with that view of the False Creek staring back at me! Never been so proud to wear a jacket in my life!

Now, if you’re thinking “that’s so cool, wish I could do it”, we do still need hands!
http://www.vancouver2010.com/

Half of my Heart

All this come and go in life has made me realize that I was lucky enough to find the place I belong the second time I stepped out of an airplane, the real first time on my own. To walk down the streets and discover everytime at your own pace and find out how much you belong. This feeling will always remain in my heart, and wherever I go I will bring I with me. I also figured out that harder than leave for good, is to come back to where you left from, I can’t yet put my finger on it to realize what it is that torned my heart as my plane took off.

This is far to be the last post of this subject, but it will be for a while, as we all know life is made of choices, and every single choice you make since you wake up can transform your day and sometimes your life. My choice brought me to the only place in the world where I can breathe in and out knowing it’s for real, it brought me hope and dreams I could never have dreamed anywhere else, it was chosen for me, it was waiting for me all along, and that thread kept me hanging to what is now HOME.

The balance between two worlds is what I have been struggling to achive lately, the missing out part is what I can’t really let go, the missing out on the people that I left on the other side, Brazil will always be home too, where I was born, raised and became what I am. It’s hard to let go of a world that has who you love in, you’re somehow always attach to it, even tough you know where you want to be and stay, part of your heart is always beating on the other side.

Until these two worlds collide, I will keep leaving pieces of my heart along the way and letting the time settle the “getting’used to”on my days, you’d think it’s about time for me to know how to deal with those feelings, but no, I don’t. They just hit me differently everytime I guess. Almost a year that I am back in here, so much happened I can’t even fit in only this frame of time, the important thing is I’m half way there…
and I know He has a plan!

Do you Believe?

In less than ten days the biggest city of the west coast of Canada is opening its streets and heart to the world. The city is ready, the people are ready, wherever you look there are banners and maple leafs, more than ever the Canadian pride is in the air. People walking down the streets make sure to show the world where they come from, the most friendly country of the world is opening its most laid back city to the Winter Olympics.

Apart from the mess of streets and school being closed, touristic attractions being used as other country showcase, and the amount of money used to build a whole new skytrain line that connects downtown to the airport, a whole set of buildings to be the Olympic village, fare free street cars that take the athletes back and forth and constructions all over the city, most of the population seem to be thrilled with the idea of being a host city. I know I am!

I understand that much of the money spent on Vancouver for the Olympics could be used towards something else, and it’s always like that, wherever country that hosts the Olympic will be criticized by some of its population for spending money on something not so urgent, but in my opinion that was all very good for the city, you look around and it’s even prettier, if that’s even possible, things that had to be done for a while, got done! And after the games are over, and the whole world had a taste of the best place on Earth, they’ll all go home and we, the population of Vancouver, will stay home living in a even better place!

So let the games begin!
And let Vancouver shine to show the world how splendid we can be!

http://www.vancouver2010.com/

If I were a Disney song

Random,but so true!

A Whole New World

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

Finding Neverland

Peter Pan Syndrome: “Puer Aeternus is Latin for eternal child, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level, usually coupled with too great a dependence on the mother. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.”

As you study and deal with children you come to understand their behavior, you try to see the world trough their little eyes and open minds, it’s a beautiful, innocent and colorful world that we’ve all seen someday. As you watch them grow up, you can still see faces and traces of what they were as a little child, some were gone and some will probably be in them forever. It was proven that the first four years in a child’s life is where they build their personality and values, everything they taste, touch and experience will be with them for the rest of their lives, even if they cannot remember, it’s there and it makes a huge difference.

Most of us here heard about Peter Pan, the boy that never wanted to grow up, so he ran away from home and found Neverland where he could always be whoever he wanted to be, it’s one of my very favorite books, that being said I very much relate to this book, I didn’t want to grow up, I loved being a kid and everything about my childhood, even the smell of it bring me nostalgia. Well I got over this feeling; I had to grow up, to face the world and whatever it brings me. But I often find myself thinking back and smiling, I can’t let go.

As for now, being a so called grown up sucks in many ways, having to figure out life is as scary as anything, not knowing what is going to happen, as exciting as can be, is also frightening, as bold as you can be in this life I believe everyone still needs a hug, a pat on their back, and someone to tell them “it’s going to be okay, tomorrow is another day, just go to sleep now”. And when we understand that there’s still a lot of the kid that we were, inside all of us, we will then begin to see the world in a simpler way again and accept our down sides, and just be whoever we are.

That is, until we each find our neverland.

The more I know people…

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve had a tendency to isolation. Not the emo-cut-my-wrist-open kind of drama, but I’d often play by myself, my own games, my own rules, no one to point the finger, mess up my coloring crayons or win over me. And I was happy, just like that. There were times, of course, that I would play with other kids but I had no problem, and actually preferred playing alone.
As I grew up things changed a bit, but I am still very picky with anyone I let in my life, most only see the surface and I can count on my fingers who really knows me, as I really am. I don’t believe I am a hard to like person, I’m actually very easygoing and cool with everyone, as long as you don’t off me, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's always more friendly in two...

As life goes on and you lose your innocence, you figure out that not everyone that came closer to you was your friend, not everyone was at your side, and that few would stand up and remain by you when you need most. You also learn, that you will most definitely not be able to please everybody that come your way, and you will then stop trying, and let go. It’s still hard for me to let down the people I love, but I’ve learned to do it, as harsh as it is, it’s completely okay to say NO, to please you for a change. That’s the rule I go by these days. I see who I want and get out of my way only for the people that really matters. I am who I am, certainly not changing for anybody so love me or leave me.

Good thing is, you’ll bump into the ones that will stick, in the stickiest way, down deep in your heart, ones that will be your friends, your right hand, for whenever and wherever you need them. And those few are the ones that still make you believe in smiling to a stranger on the streets, to get out of your way to help out someone you don’t know very well, to give it a chance, to meet new and different people, because you never know the ones that will stick and the ones that will fade…here’s for the real friends out there, that love you for who you are! I know I am lucky enough to have them in my life!

“What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
and I'll try not to sing out of key…”

Do your part, if you can't donate money, donate your time with a prayer:
https://msf.donorportal.ca/MSFEN/Donation/DonationDetails.aspx?_L=en-CA/G=21/F=545/T=GENER

What goes around

Dear 2010 be good to me. That’s what everyone is asking about…there’s nothing different than a week before but it’s a brand new year and like a white sheet of paper in front of you, it’s time to get writing! Just like the first day of school when you have all the new pens and pencils and you want your notebook to be so pretty and neat, just like the feelings of most people when we turn to a brand new year. And may it be good to all of us.

The first day of 2010 for me was a kick in the pants, hangover and I remember tequila…I also remember thinking where I was last year January first and if I ever thought I’d be standing here a year later. Truth is I did, waking up in Vancouver to a brand new year of open doors, opportunities and brand new things is where I wanted to be, so here I am. Needless to say the plan remains the same, almost a year closer to the project of my life, I have a feeling this year will fly by…

If there was one thing that last year taught me is that things come around, they come full circle, but they also come in the right time. Most of them you’ll have to get off your bum and fight for, they won’t just knock at your door, but when you get it, the feeling you’ll have when holding in your hands, it’s pretty much as if the world stopped for a second. Some are just not meant to be, it doesn’t matter how many times you knock at the same door, if it’s not your door it won’t open, and try not to knock it down because you’re just going to get hurt, and then there’s those things that just come your way, because you needed it, because it was time or just because they realized that what goes around it’s almost always not the real truth.

It’s been a very warm winter up in the west coast, some days are sunny and you breathe in get out of the house and remind yourself why you’re actually here so it lasts for when the rain hits hard, it’s been pouring…but still not enough to make me fly South, maybe only for three weeks *sigh* ta ta!

And I thank YOU God for every single brand new day I wake up to

because I know that I only AM because of YOU.

http://darebelieving.blogspot.com/2009/04/stare-or-jump.html