Could be Blue, Could be Gray

The beautiful days in the city I love. It’s been sunny, warm and I tell you there’s no better place to be when the sun is shining on the West side of Canada! I can just walk with no destination whatsoever for hours and hours just around. And then I catch myself smiling almost like a reflex to strangers along the way. What they don’t realize is that I am not really smiling at them but at my life. God it’s good to be back!

As everything in life, everyone experiences things in a different way and time. And I am experiencing Vancouver again, for the second time and although it’s the same city, streets, trees… I am different. I see things in a different way and that makes me see this place in a whole different manner as well. I hadn’t realized I had changed so much. Babbling? Maybe, but it’s the truth. The only thing that never changes is that I always knew from day one that this is where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

These feelings were rushing through my mind as I was riding a bike all around Stanley Park in a beautiful day, the park was full of people rollerblading, running, biking, sun bathing, having fun and I felt so good, so free, I wish I could put down in words what I felt looking far to the ocean until it joined the sky.

And as for all the new faces in my life right now, I know few will stick but I already know the ones that will like we were meant to be somehow. And how good it is to know you’re not alone in the dreams you’re holding? It’s like we met before it all began. I love this feeling of comfort ground. It’s almost like walking in a cold, soft sandy beach.

I am having the time of my life and I am so happy I didn’t let this slip through my hands as I could have done many times over. Never settle for the path of least resistance, so they say. I don’t care what the weather is, if I’ll get wet or have to run for cover. I am here now and I am so extremely happy I can barely keep my mouth from smiling all day long!

"If you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spetacular!"

Attach vs. Detach

The way up to Whistler from Vancouver is one of the most outstanding landscapes I have ever seen. The mountains are so close to you with the snow on top and the ocean shines with the sun rays. I get overwhelmed looking out of the window, my mind goes far away to the very top of every mountain I see. I feel so small and so happy.

And of course, I lost myself in thought about everything around me and how the pieces are slowly falling back into place, how a different scenario at a same surround is not necessarily bad, and how the things you once feared are so easy to face now. And how, again, time’s been a friend and the normality is starting to set place in my heart again.

.Deep Breath. .Another Mountain. .Closer to the Top.

The thing with me is, I get attached. Not easily, believe me. But I get attach, to a place, to a house, to a gift, and especially to someone. And once I am attached it’s difficult to let go. When I look back the people around me, the ones that actually enchanted me are still around, the same friends and that old and ripped sweater that feels like part of your body. I don’t usually let people in my life, but when I do it’s forever.

That got me thinking about some situations in life when you go too far and get too attached and then it’s so stuck on you that it hurts to detach. You can, of course, let go but it’s not the most fun thing to experience. Then I ask myself, so then why in the world would you ever get attached?

After a silent stare outside of the same window, but with a different mountain staring back at me, I realized that I don’t want to live my life in fear of getting hurt or to have a bunch of “what ifs” and doubts in my mind. I don’t want to leave things unsaid, or not to hug when all I wanted to do was open my arms, I don’t want to be afraid.

I want to live my life in the fullest way I can ever live. And if to be true to myself and the people around me means taking a chance of getting hurt, then so be it. I rather get attached than never knowing how it feels like.

Awesome long-weekend up in Whistler by the way. You rock girlie!

Because I Care

Just came back from an awesome weekend. It was sunny, green and bubbly.
Gotta love the blue skies with the chilly mountain wind and grass under your feet.

How good is it to hang out with people that make you feel at home? Just simple little gestures that make you feel welcome and loved. You laugh, you breathe, you feel happy to be in your skin and it brings you to life.

It’s funny how so many different people fit so well together, kinda completing each other. Times like these make me still believe in people, in how I need to be around love in my life. Not a needy kinda love but just knowing it is there.

And you can be yourself, which is pretty much the best thing in the world. Just be who you are. I am not capable of fake. I either am or not. I either feel or don’t.

I am SO so extremely happy, I can hardly get a grip of how amazing my life is right now.

ps. Feliz Dia das Mães pra melhor mãe do mundo!!!

Any Other Day

If I am lost for a day; try and find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

just got harder and harder each day.

Star - Calendar Girl

Picture taken by me - London Winter 2008

One of those mornings, when the buzz of the alarm doesn’t wake you up, when the coffee could be stronger, when the rain doesn’t wet your jacket, when your legs keep walking forward as they know the direction, when the words you read make no sense, when as much as you know you shouldn’t be feeling it, you still do. When a stranger pass you by on the sidewalk you care, when a sight of a bird flying brings you to a deep breath, when everything you want is to be here and yet you’re not.

Just one of those mornings…

ps. Don't mind my nonsense posts I've been switched to PMS mode ever since I landed in Canada. ;)

Remember Me?

Sophie Kinsella

http://www.randomhouse.com/bantamdell/kinsella/

It all started when my cousin told me about these series of books called "Shopaholic" and I thought...well it must be a boring book about a girl who likes to shop?! Nope! It's about an ordinary girl called Becky Bloom, she's a Londoner (gotta love London) and it's just a kind of book you can never put down. I started to read the first one and all i have to say is that now I have the whole collection and I read over and over. It makes me laugh, cry, feel... it's amazing. It's real and the feeling that what you're reading can happen to you any minute is even more exciting...

So, after I pretty much majored in all the Shopaholic Series books I started to look for some other books that S.K. has written and one of the books I just bought is called "Remember Me", the main character is not Becky Bloom anymore but it's Lexi Smart and again it all happens in the streets of London. I have a lovin' spot for London. Always...

If you want a fun reading that makes you want to turn the page and never stop reading then I recommend the author. It's pretty much a only-girls-will-fully-understand kind of book but what do guys know anyway?
It seems like everything that has been happening lately, being a book, a movie, a song, a situation links to my life, somehow.

Here's to my favorite quotes in the very end:

-"You said you needed a memory. A thread linking us to us. Now you have one"

-"If I do, it's the thinnest thread in the world"

-"Well then, hold on to it. Hold on, don't let it snap"

-" I won't"

I don't ever want to let him go again. Out of my arms. Out of my head.

Remember Me by S. Kinsella

Expectations

"If it's worth give it a shot. If you believe it go for it. Don't give up on the first bump. Fight for it. "

Just have in mind...

If you are expecting for something, you should know it may happen or not.
If you put your trust in something or someone you have to know it’s not only up to you. Both sides have to move, act, realize, want it.

It takes a little while to grip, but you will eventually let it go and just move on. If it’s supposed to happen it will or it just wasn’t meant to be. Just do your part and go on with your life. Don’t stand still waiting for it. It might put you in a vulnerable place you don’t want to be. ever.

Whatever happens tough, do not blame yourself. It was not your issue, not your problem, you went half way, you did your part, whatever you’re not able to control should just meet you in the middle. And if it didn’t, it was not time yet.

Don’t raise your expectations so high in people, the higher you go biggest the fall. Just take everything slow, one step at the time. Just go as far as you can to still grasp the present. Words without actions will fade.

I believe there’s a right time and place for everything. I’ve experienced this many times in my life. I’m writing this for a dear friend of mine and looking at it now it fits quite well for me as well.

Whatever your beliefs and values are in life, believe and value yourself first.

p.s. lovin' my new hair and my piercing!