House of Cards

It’s raining, it’s pouring… as for the looks of it, we are in for a wet first month of Summer. I do, however, hope I am deeply wrong. Got a call from a dear friend today that is tangled up on some things in her life that she caused by accident. She does not deserve anything she’s been going through, but when did life start to be fair?

It just got me thinking, together with last week incident in my life, how fragile we are all relating to each other, how much trust is a fine thread hanging by countless good deeds and ready to burst to any stingy screw up. How quickly we all forget about the way people treated us, made us feel, went that extra mile, held our hands, were there to hug us, and we just turn our backs to them, just like that, like nothing had ever happened or taken place between them.

Sad, better yet, pathetic. How we let those things interfere in our relationships, I myself, am sure to have done that couple times, and it hurts me to think about it. I try to be fair with people and I don’t even know how many second, third and countless chances I gave and been given.

I hate to think people are like seasons in our lives, they come and go, year after year, bringing snow, sun, wind, rain with them and taking it all away leaving us with a chill. I am thankful some are forever, like a big shade tree you always know where they are and how they’ll always embrace you with a nice breeze when you need it. I have my share of shady trees and for that I am glad. But I sure do, once in a while, think about all the other seasons in my life and the way they faded away...

Truth is, we need the rain to learn how to appreciate the sun.
Hence my love for Vancouver!

It ain't Karma, It ain't Luck!

Heck yeah it’s been a while. Life’s been busy, with little people and long days, when all I want to do is to get home, kick my jeans and dive into bed. So that’s what I’ve been pretty much up to. Of course, once in a while, when everything is way too smooth… you can tell by the calm sea and reckless birds that the storm is coming.
And I tell ya, you never know where it’s going to hit you first. Mine usually hits me from behind, when I least expect it to, taking it all with the waves and leaving me with a mess to clean up, that I, myself, created in the first place.

It comes back to bite you in the ass, right or wrong, it’s a cycle. I should be used to this by now, but every time it hits me it’s a whole different wind that brings back memories and past to the surface. Maybe I should just not trust, period? I do, confess, I have massive trust issues, almost everyone, except my family, that I trusted with something in my life, threw it to my face at some point, and worst, hurting people that have nothing to do with the whole story whatsoever. Let’s hurt each other with damn useless subjects, just for the sake of it.
I am not taking any action this time, I used to, get all worked out, send a stormy e-mail back… creating more mess, hurt, and effin’gossip (the one I despite the most) just let it be, take the time, and close that door shut one more time.

The worst part of it, I tell you, is that I am still naïve enough to care, to be upset over something that has no turning back, and that is because I cannot, simply, dispose people, I can’t just pretend we didn’t have a story and that at a place in time we were friends. Maybe my trusting issue is to trust too much. In any case, from now on and whatever other time that something will, with no doubt, boil up again, I won't take it by heart anymore. I have learned how to outgrow it and not care for careless. I believe that if it's coming back it's because there's still the thought of me that the other side can't let go. So be it. Too bad.

Walk on.

Whose hand is it anyway?

So, after a whole day lying on the bed, sick and feeling yucky, here I am back again. It’s good to know I have real friends, that will be there for me regardless, some more than others, but still, they’ll be here for me when I need them to. When you live away from so called “home”, you have to learn to do things yourself and be more independent and tough it up. We all do, eventually, learn how to do that, but it’s still comforting to have good friends to help you through.

Now, I am not sure where my life stands at the moment, I am literally living day by day and trying to be positive about the days to come, my plans seem to unravel by themselves, with only the help of my thoughts and whoever hands they’re in. In my case, God. But eh, that’s just me!

Things once looked so complicated and with no way out, all of the sudden become either irrelevant or an opportunity way to go. I, of course, am half way there to my first plan in life, I am already living it, and taking all that I can with me, trying, knocking, kicking, until there’s a way… I feel this year is a good one, and as much nonsense all this babbling means to you on the other side, for me it is all so clear.

Life’s a big and beautiful scout’s knot! You gotta try to find the best way and go through the hoops without letting it tangle you, even if sometimes you stumble, there will always, and no doubt about it, a thread for you to hang on to, either it’s a friend, a song, a city, a goal, just hang on tight, as F. once said, it is indeed a bumpy ride!

If you think I blab, oh friend, try this one!

http://jhnmyr.tumblr.com/