Laying on the greenest grass at Kits beach this evening, with the sun shining down on me and letting all the noise around me fade I couldn’t help but breathe in and out the life inside and around me. It’s so good to be alive!See, couple months ago, most precisely when I came back to Canada after visiting my family back home I entered a weird mode of transition in my life, a thing that have been inside of me since always but that would only sometimes come to surface, started to boil and brainstorm my mind when the airplane left the Sao Paulo ground.
Don’t ask me what trigged it, I wouldn’t be able to tell you and I stopped trying to find out. It doesn’t matter what thread it hangs on go to, but how I would roll it back in. The mortality fact in life caught up with me, and I have no flipping clue why. Maybe it was the fact that I live far away from my family, it is what it is I guess. It caught up with my mind, not with me, per say, I am very much alive thank you.
This fear of not being able to control time and hang on forever to people around me give me a sensation in my belly like someone is pressing really hard on it and I can’t get off…my throat closes up and I cannot take any deep breathes anymore. Panic mode on.
But then, you open your eyes, look around you…breathe…and realize it has always been like that in all the history of humanity, that life is a circle and it will always be, you only have one life (that’s what I believe) and you have to try and live it as much as you can. Now I also believe that there’s more to it after this Earthly life. But that’s nor here or there…and I won’t get all after-life in here today, but that my friends, is the power that got me over all this nonsense I was feeling.
I, then, stopped trying to understand wonders and powers that are greater than me. And just had to learn to trust, again, in the One that I have as my guidance and protector. I don’t know if you do, or do not believe in a greater power, but we do indeed need to live our lives to the fullest, every single day, spending our time with people that really matter.
And anyway, I wasn’t even going to write any of that, but the laying down on the grass today made my writing cells wake up. I would like to add here, that there is a side of me, a big-pounding-heart-fan side of me, that few know…and because it is only a part of me and not my whole self I decided to share on a blog, the journey of being a fan. And I come here, to share with you my readers from around the globe, a bit of my sidekick and most well paid therapy in the world…
http://mysweetjovilife.blogspot.com/
