The more you want to. Spending my mornings talking and seeing the world through the tired and beautiful blue eyes of a ninety-seven years old has made my days. It seems like every sentence spoken is out of a book and the wisdom is hidden between the lines. “So is everything that is worth” was the first thing she said to me while talking about how life can be hard and funny that way. It’s something completely different than anything I have ever experienced. I’ve never been around such a sweet, alive and smart old lady in my life, I think I am in love with her and all she has to tell me.
Life is funny that way, as she says all the time, you end up going through things you never thought you would have to, you wait and worry about things that then will resolve themselves, you fight and cry but then you lay your head and see everything was worth the climb. You will wake up to days that all you want to do is close your eyes but still you know you love to live. The use of the word “funny” as oppose to “bad, weird, unfortunate, hard” awe me a bit, I believe that looking back on her life now, the good times stuck more than the bad ones and she has learned how to deal with them. I hope I do as well. I believe I am doing a pretty good job so far, except some self-hysterical-inside-my-mind episodes of WHAT AM I DOING IN MY LIFE, yeah so far so good.
The hardest part of having a long life like she did is to see people around you go; it really pretty much depends on what you believe in life and whether you think you will then see them all again, but still it is so damn hard. Once someone asked me what my biggest fear was, and after giving it a thought too many I came to the conclusion that I have no fears, I only dread the day I will have to face people around me going. And just the thought of it makes my stomach hurl. I guess I rather go than let them go, but eh it is not up to me and I will just trust completely.
I don’t know why exactly I am writing those words today, it’s been a very cold and dump April so far, life has been taking good turns, so good I am afraid to look at it and scare it away. It seems that Easter has brought new life indeed, including to my life. Things are back on track and I am following it, except today at 7am in the morning when I let myself, once again, get a bit crazy, but as Helen my new old friend says… “Life is too short, when you wake up one day you are ninety-seven so live it”. Couldn’t have followed her advice any better today. Not worried about it!
